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CLAREMONT MOURNS

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DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY CIRCUS

CARTOON OF THE WEEK

COP WATCH

COP WATCH

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n In August, a Bradenton, Florida, deputy sheriff was forced to duplicate a classic scene from “Raiders of the Lost Ark” when he was advanced upon by a menacing-looking, samurai-sword-swinging, 31-year-old man. The deputy, perhaps as nonplussed as Indiana Jones was, shot him dead.

WAY TO GO DEPT.

Inmate Corey McQueary, 33, passed away in Jessamine County, Kentucky, lockup in August of a methadone overdose. According to state police, another inmate had soaked a pair of underwear in methadone when he was out on release, then brought the item to the jail for McQueary, who tore off piece after piece and swallowed them.

THE PERFECT BELLYBUTTON

Plastic surgeons, first in University of Missouri research in 2000 and recently in a study by Singapore doctors in the journal of the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, have postulated that the “ideal” navel is basically vertically shaped with slight hooding — and, of course, an “innie.” The earlier study “analyzed” photos of 147 females aged 18 to 62, while the Singapore surgeons gazed at shots of 37 Playboy playmates and used a computerized tool to measure “vertical ratio,” “midline horizontal position,” length “from the xiphoid process … to the lower limit of the vulvar cleft,” and how nearly oval-shaped the belly buttons were.

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