Archive for February, 2010

That FREAKIN’ Park

NOTE:  This is the FIRST of many editorials on the town park.

If you will recall, Mayor Squirrel Glenn and Bobby Burn-out first wanted to build a park in the vicinity of where the fire department now sits.  The residents of the area, along with your CowPattie, opposed it on the grounds that it was not needed and not wanted.  The plans to build it were abandoned for a while.  It seems like bad ideas never die, so the town council decided to build it where it now sits…..and sits…..and sits…..because nobody uses it.  It is not needed, not wanted and it is dangerous.  There is no way that I would allow a child of mine to enter that desolate place alone.  There are fifty-one registered sex offenders within the 28610 Zip code and the majority are CHILD MOLESTERS!  That’s 51 that have been caught and convicted.  Goodness knows how many more are out there!   Two CONVICTED CHILD MOLESTERS live within walking distance of that park!  (If you want to find out where they are and WHO they are, go here:  http://www.familywatchdog.us/ and enter 28610 in the Zip code window.)  Any woman that goes in that freakin’ park alone or unarmed is putting her life at risk.  It is a GREAT place to make or dump a body.

Note:  Claremont Sex Offender map is found below.  Red squares indicate homes of CHILD MOLESTERS!

If the town insists on keeping this park for vanity reasons or whatever, may we suggest that they move the police department to that location?  There is plenty of unused space for a building and parking.


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Bubba and Cooter find three hand grenades and decide to take them to the police station.

“What if one of them explodes before we get there?” asks Clem.

“Don’t worry about it,” says Bubba.

“We’ll just lie and tell them we only found two.”

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– ‘Stewardesses’ is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

– Armadillos have four babies at a time and they are always all the same sex.

– Armadillos are the only animal besides humans that can get leprosy.

– A group of unicorns is called a blessing. Twelve or more cows are known as a “flink.” A group of frogs is called an army. A group of rhinos is called a crash. A group of kangaroos is called a mob. A group of whales is called a pod. A group of geese is called a gaggle. A group of ravens is called a murder. A group of officers is called a mess. A group of larks is called an exaltation. A group of owls is called a parliament.

– Physicist Murray Gell-Mann named the sub-atomic particles known as quarks for a random line in James Joyce, “Three quarks for Muster Mark!”

– Gilligan of Gilligan’s Island had a first name that was only used once, on the never-aired pilot show. His first name was Willy. The skipper’s real name on Gilligan’s Island is Jonas Grumby. It was mentioned once in the first episode on their radio’s newscast about the wreck.

– In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.

– Ivory bar soap floating was a mistake. They had been overmixing the soap formula causing excess air bubbles that made it float. Customers wrote and told how much they loved that it floated, and it has floated ever since.

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Yeah, we’re back. At least most of us are. The A-Team has re-assembled.

In the beginning, the Claremont CowPattie was meant only to provide a bit of humor and satire for the people of Claremont. At about the same time the City officials were putting out their own newsletter called the Claremont Communique. Then city manager, Rob Bernot, immediately attacked the CowPattie as being “subversive” in nature. This raised suspicion,s on our part, as to why he would attack us. We turned over a few rocks and found snakes. More snakes than you would believe. The CowPattie decided to expose the wrong-doings inside of City Hall, along with the police department. Boy did we stir up a controversy! The entire city council along with the mayor were replaced in a span of two years. We also caused the resignations of a city manager, a police chief, an acting police chief and at least one police officer.

The “new”, online CowPattie will continue in the tradition of the old by offering insight into local goings-on along with humor, satire, typos and garbage. We will no longer attempt to stick to the old schedule of a Thursday delivery of each new edition so just check back several times a week for ”breaking news”.

With the new CowPattie, we have a feature the old hard copy did not have. You will be able to respond to the articles and offer your own opinions for others to read. One of us will monitor the posts and will delete any that we deem inappropriate, so keep ‘em clean.

That’s about it, for now.  Thanks for dropping by, AND SPREAD THE WORD.

We will leave this article at the top of the page for a few weeks then allow it to fade into the archives.

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Q: What do you get when you cross an Indian with a Black?

A: A Sioux named Boy.

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Wayne’s World

Do you know anyone with the middle name “Wayne”?  Let’s hope not.  Here is a list of people charged with murder that share at least ONE thing in common.  An asterisk [*] indicates they are now deceased.  .  Hey, you won’t find information like this anywhere but your CowPattie.

Michael Wayne Adams (Virginia)
Timothy Wayne Adams (Texas)
Shannon Wayne Agofsky (Texas)
Thomas Wayne Akers (North Carolina)
Matthew Wayne Almand (Florida)
Stephen Wayne Anderson (California)*
Joshua Wayne Andrews (Virginia)
David Wayne Arisman (California)
Dennis Wayne Bagwell (Texas)*
Timothy Wayne Barnett (Alabama)
Michael Wayne Baxter (Maryland)*
Kenneth Wayne Beck (Missouri)
Gerald Wayne Bivins (Indiana)
John Wayne Blair (Tennessee)
Scott Wayne Blystone (Pennsylvania)
Donald Wayne Booth (Texas)
Elvis Wayne Botley (California)
Steven Wayne Bowman (South Carolina)
Larry Wayne Brigman (Minnesota)
Ricky Wayne Brown (Florida)
Michael Wayne Brown (Oklahoma)
Michael Wayne Brunner (Kentucky)
Edward Wayne Bryant (Oklahoma)
Dennis Wayne Bryant (Virginia)
Estell Wayne Buck (Ohio)
Bradley Wayne Cagle (Texas)
Curtis Wayne Campbell (Oklahoma)
Seth Wayne Campbell (Texas)
Darren Wayne Campbell (Oregon)
Mark Wayne Campmire (Connecticut)
Michael Wayne Carter (Indiana)
Rodger Wayne Chastain (California)*
Douglas Wayne Clark (Texas)
Ronald Wayne Clark, Jr. (Florida)
Darryl Wayne Claughton (Alberta)
Ira Wayne Cloninger (Virginia)
Timothy Wayne Coalson (Georgia)
Kevin Wayne Coffey (Texas)
David Wayne Cole (Pennsylvania)
Michael Wayne Cole (North Carolina)
Timothy Wayne Condrey (North Carolina)
Joseph Wayne Cook (North Carolina)
Billy Wayne Cope (South Carolina)
Alvin Wayne Crane (Texas)*
David Wayne Crews (Tennessee)
Donald Wayne Darling II (Alabama)
Christopher Wayne Davis (Louisiana)
Gary Wayne Davis (Kentucky)
Jerry Wayne Dean (Kentucky)
Aryan Wayne Duntley (California)
John Wayne Duvall (Oklahoma)*
Dennis Wayne Eaton (Virginia)*
Dale Wayne Eaton (Colorado)
Timothy Wayne Ebert (Texas)
Michael Wayne Eggers (Alabama)
Gary Wayne Etheridge (Texas)
Michael Wayne Farmer (Maryland)
Ellis Wayne Felker (Georgia)*
Darrell Wayne Ferguson (Ohio)*
Matthew Wayne Ferman (Ohio)
Lewis Wayne Fielder Jr. (South Carolina)
Michael Wayne Fisher (Pennsylvania)
Earl Wayne Flowers (North Carolina)
Terry Wayne Freeman (Illinois)
Percy Wayne Froman (Alabama)
Ronald Wayne Frye (North Carolina)*
Morris Wayne Givens (Alabama)
John Wayne Glover (Australia)*
Richard Wayne Godwin (Oregon)
Arthur Wayne Goodman, Jr. (Texas)
Richard Wayne Gorrie (New Zealand)
Jeffrey Wayne Gorton (Michigan)
Keith Wayne Graham (California)
Coleman Wayne Gray (Virginia)*
Charles Wayne Green (Arkansas)
Kenneth Wayne Gregory (Florida)
Christopher Wayne Gregory (Texas)
Ralph Wayne Grimes (Kentucky)
Anthony Wayne Grimm (Illinois)
Randall Wayne Hafdahl (Texas)*
Conan Wayne Hale (Oregon)
Kenneth Wayne Hall Sr. (South Carolina)
Michael Wayne Hall (Texas)
Steven Wayne Hall (Alabama)
Bradley Wayne Hamrick (Washington)
Jerald Wayne Harjo (Oklahoma)*
Emmanuel Wayne Harris (Arizona)
Robert Wayne Harris (Texas)
Nathaniel Wayne Hart (Texas)
Jerald Wayne Harvel II (Oklahoma)
Mark Wayne Hauseur (California)
Billy Wayne Hayes (Tennessee)
Carl Wayne Heath (Maine)
Brandon Wayne Hedrick (Virginia)
Michael Wayne Henry (Texas)
Rodney Wayne Henry (Kansas)
David Wayne Hickman (Texas)
Donald Wayne Holt (Maryland)
Jeremy Wayne Hopkins (Texas)
Bryant Wayne Howard (Oregon)
Christopher Wayne Hudson (Australia)
Calvin Wayne Inman (Texas)
Derek Wayne Jackson (Pennsylvania)
Kenneth Wayne Jackson (Texas)
Eric Wayne Jacobs (California)*
Allen Wayne Jenecka (Texas)*
Mark Wayne Jennings (Virginia)
Robert Wayne Jiles (New York)
Timothy Wayne Johnson (North Carolina)
Terry Wayne Johnson (Florida)
Jason Wayne Johnson (Texas)
Mark Wayne Jones (Ohio)
Tyler Wayne Justice (Texas)
Kenneth Wayne Keller (Texas)
Gary Wayne Kleypas (Kansas)
Bruce Wayne Koenig (Maryland)
Derrick Wayne Kualapai, Sr. (California)
Dudley Wayne Kyzer (Alabama)
Ronald Wayne Lail (North Carolina)
Monty Wayne Lamb (Texas)
Robert Wayne Lambert (Oklahoma)
Jonathan Wayne Larrabee (South Dakota)
Jeffrey Wayne Leaf (Oklahoma)
Bobby Wayne Ledbetter (Alabama)
Darrell Wayne Lewis (Arizona)
John Wayne Lewis (Oklahoma)
Christopher Wayne Lippard (North Carolina)
Kenny Wayne Lockwood (Texas)*
Mark Wayne Lomax (Texas)
Christopher Wayne Luttrell (Kentucky)
Darrell Wayne Maness (North Carolina)
Shelly Wayne Martin (Maryland)
Donald Wayne Martin (Texas)*
Randall Wayne Mays (Texas)
Steven Wayne McBride (Minnesota)
George Wayne McBroom (Arizona)
David Wayne McCall (Texas)
Rocky Wayne McGowan (Kentucky)
Robert Wayne McMillion (Florida)
Jason Wayne McVean (Colorado)
David Wayne Mears (Michigan)
Wesley Wayne Miller (Texas)
Jimmy Wayne Miller (Texas)
Don Wayne Moody (Texas)*
John Wayne Moore, Jr. (Missouri)
John Wayne Moses (North Carolina)
Dustin Wayne Nall (Texas)
Jack Wayne Napier (Kentucky)
Michael Wayne Nelson (Florida)
David Wayne Nelson (Alaska)*
Oral Wayne Nobles (Massachusetts)
Danny Wayne Owens (Alabama)
Bryan Wayne Padd (Arizona)
David Wayne Pallister (England)
Jeffrey Wayne Paschall (Utah)
John Wayne Peck (Virginia)
Douglas Wayne Pepper (North Carolina)
Michael Wayne Perry (Tennessee)
Jason Wayne Petershagen (Texas)
Michael Wayne Poe (Tennessee)
Curtis Wayne Pope (Texas)
Bruce Wayne Potts (Texas)
Lonnie Wayne Pursley (Texas)*
Donald Wayne Rainey (Mexico)
Gary Wayne Ray Jr. (Oklahoma)
Earl Wayne Reynolds (Virginia)
Michael Wayne Richard (Texas)*
Randy Wayne Richards (Canada)
Barry Wayne Riley (British Columbia)
Robert Wayne Rotramel (Oklahoma)
Roy Wayne Russell (Washington)
David Wayne Satterfield (Texas)
Christopher Wayne Scarber (Kentucky)
Patrick Wayne Schroeder (Nebraska)
Randy Wayne Seal (Florida)
Michael Wayne Sears (Virginia)
Timothy Wayne Shepherd (Texas)
Kenith Wayne Sherrill (Washington)
Donald Wayne Shipe (Virginia)
Dallas Wayne Shults (Tennessee)
Mark Wayne Silvers (South Carolina)
Daryl Wayne Smith (West Virginia)
Justin Wayne Smith (Texas)
David Wayne Smith (Virginia)
Richard Wayne Smith (Texas)*
Richard Wayne Snell (Arkansas)*
Ronald Wayne Spencer Jr. (Texas)
Richard Wayne Spicknall (Alabama)
Jerrell Wayne Stanley (Texas)
Randall Wayne Stevens (Illinois)
John Wayne Stockdall (Missouri)
Michael Wayne Summers (Missouri)
John Wayne Surratt Jr. (North Carolina)
Gary Wayne Sutton (Tennessee)
Bobby Wayne Swisher (Virginia)*
Charles Wayne Thomas Jr. (Texas)
Reginald Wayne Thomas (Texas)
Michael Wayne Thompson (Indiana)
John Wayne Thomson (Washington)
Andrew Wayne Toler (Texas)
Robert Wayne Vickers (Arizona)*
Russell Wayne Wagner (Maryland)*
Billy Wayne Waldrop (Alabama)*
Jerry Wayne Walker (Kentucky)
Anthony Wayne Walker (Ohio)
Jessie Wayne Walker (North Carolina)
Chadwick Wayne Wallace (Illinois)
Daniel Wayne Warfield (Virginia)
John Wayne Warrener (Colorado)
Alexander Wayne Watson Jr. (Maryland)
Louis Wayne Watters, Jr. (Texas)
Anthony Wayne Welch (Florida)
Coy Wayne Wesbrook (Texas)
Melvin Wayne White (Texas)*
Larry Wayne White (Texas)*
Timothy Wayne Widman (Pennsylvania)
Michael Wayne Williams (Virginia)
Richard Wayne Willoughby (Maryland)
Kenneth Wayne Woodfin (Virginia)
Bobby Wayne Woods (Texas)
William Wayne Wright (Texas)
Darrell Wayne Wright (Texas)
Jerry Wayne Wright (Tennessee)
Robert Wayne Wyant (Virginia)

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April Gaede, who four years ago guided her teenage daughters, Lynx and Lamb (performing as “Prussian Blue”), to a brief music career singing neo-Nazi songs, announced a new project recently on the white nationalist Web site Stormfront.org. She offers a no-fee matchmaking service to fertile Aryans, hoping to encourage marriage and baby-making — to help white people keep up with rapidly procreating minorities. [Southern Poverty Law Center News]

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