Archive for January, 2011


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Ethnophaulisms are defined as racial slurs.  They drive the PC crowd bananas.  They are CRUDE, CREATIVE and COLORFUL….. and as American as apple pie!

We are going to list a few each week and list them in ALPHABETICAL ORDER.  That way the Coons can’t say we are showing favoritism toward the Dagos. LOL


Camel Jockey

A slur against people of Middle-Eastern descent.


(Subcontinentals in Canada) – Canadian-Born Confused Desi – Similar to ABCD, but used for Canadian-born South Asians who are confused about their cultural identity.


a race-specific term used to describe Chinese immigrants in the United States, Canada and Australia during the 19th century. The term was widely used in the popular mass media of the day. The term is derived from their status as subjects of the Son of Heaven, the Chinese Emperor.


(North America) a mildly derogatory term used by African Americans, mainly in the 1960s and 1970s, to refer to a white person (from James Baldwin’s novel, Blues For Mr. Charlie). The same word was also a generally non-pejorative slang term used by American troops during the Vietnam War as a short-hand term for Vietnamese guerrillas: it was shortened from “Victor Charlie”, the NATO phonetic alphabet for Viet Cong, or VC.


( or Chi-Chi ) an anglo-indian or Eurasian half-caste [probably from Hindi chi-chi fie!, literally, dirt]


(Worldwide English) Chines person.

Cheese-eating surrender monkey

(UK, USA, Canada) A Frenchman, from the perceived proclivity of the French to surrender, and the huge variety of French cheeses available.

Ching Chong

(U.S. and Canada) Mocking the language of or a person of perceived Chinese or East Asian descent. An offensive term which has raised considerable controversy when used by celebrities such as Rosie O’Donnell.


(U.S., UK, and India) used to refer to people of perceived Chinese descent, and by extension for other East Asians. Considered extremely derogatory, although at least one US school proudly used the term as a sports mascot until the 1980s.


(Latin American Spanish, USA) used in Latin America to refer to people of perceived Amerindian or Mestizo descent; used in the USA to refer to people of perceived Mestizo descent, especially teenagers and young people in the lowrider subculture.


refers to a person of Chinese heritage with white attributes whether being a personality aspect or physical aspect.

Christ killer

a Jew, an allusion to Jewish deicide


(Canada) refers to an individual of aboriginal descent.


(New Zealand) A Pacific Islander. Named after the coconut, the nut from the coconut palm.

(UK) A black person who exhibits behavior associated with caucasians; (US) a Hispanic person trying to be ‘white’.

(South Africa) A black person who acts white.


(North America) unskilled Asian labor, usually Chinese (originally used in 19th-century for Chinese railroad labor).


(U.S. and U.K) a black person.

Coonass, or Coon-ass

(U.S.) a person of Cajun ethnicity.


(U.S.) poor Appalachian or poor Southerner, a white person, first used in the 19th century.


a black person, spec. a black woman.


(U.S.) adjective: a person with slanted eyes (first used in the 1910s)


(Australia, Africa, New Zealand) a person of East Indian origin.



(U.S.) an Italian or person of Italian descent. In the UK it can refer also to Spaniards or Portuguese, possibly derived from the Spanish name “Diego”.

Darky / darkey / darkie

noun. Used as a term for a black person, which may cause offence. Randall Kennedy’s Nigger: The Strange Career of a Troublesome Word notes that some judges have considered “darky” a “term of endearment.”  In South Africa, however, it is not considered either racist or offensive, but is quite acceptable.


In Nepal the word Dhoti is often used as an ethnic slur against the Madhesi community of Nepal and Indiansby the majority population of Nepal. This may be because of the popularity of dhotis in the terai region and the bordering Indian states.


an Asian, esp. a Vietnamese. Also used as a disparaging term for a North Vietnamese soldier or guerrilla in the Vietnam War. Origin: 1965–70, Americanism

Dogan, dogun

(CANADA) Irish Catholic [19th century on; origin uncertain: perhaps from Dugan, an Irish surname].

Dune coon

(US) Derogatory term used for Arabs.


noun. (1) 19th century on, Dutch being corrupted from the Pennsylvania German self-descriptive word Deitsch. Anyone of Germanic heritage (as with Anglo-Celtic Pennsylvanians) a Pennsylvania German; (2) (mid-1800s to 1920s) a foreigner, especially one who does not speak English well; (3) a bar keeper; (4) anglophone South African whites, used for Afrikaner.


Eight ball

A Negro; slang, usually used disparagingly


A native North American from the northernmost inhabitable areas. In some areas it is considered pejorative, in others not.


(British) an Italian person; slang, usually used disparagingly. Originated through the mispronunciation of “Italian” as “Eye-talian.”

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Beginning THIS WEEK, YOUR COWPATTIE will be offering a BEDBUG REPORT informing YOU, the COWPATTIE READER, of motels, hotels and other similar public oriented businesses which are reported to have BEDBUG infestations.  So, check here before you travel.


What do bed bugs look like in the different stages?

Bed bugs obtain five different stages. The first stage is a milky white egg about the size of a point of a needle.  The egg hatches into a nymph which is translucent. The bed bug becomes darker and more brown as the stages proceed to the next. As the nymph feeds on a host, it will continue to get darker until a fully matured bed bug will be brown or brunt orange.

What do bed bugs look like size wise in the different stages?

The eggs of bed bugs are approximately 1mm in size which can be compared to a poppy seed. A fully matured adult bed bug is about 1/4 inch in length which is comparable to apple seeds or a grain of rice. Bed bugs have very flattened bodies from top to bottom and are oval shaped. When bed bugs consume blood, the back of the bedbug is no longer flatten and can cause their bodies to full up more than twice their average size within a five to fifteen minute span.

What do bed bugs’ bodies look like?

Bed Bugs have a large, round abdomen, long antennae segmented into three parts, and a small prothorax that flares to the sides. Their mouth is a short, proboscis segmented into three parts that is located below the body. Bed bugs have an elongated beak that is used to pierce the host while feeding.

A fully developed bed bug is brown or brunt orange. Bed bugs are distinguished by their stripe like appearance. They have small hairs on their back in a pattern of what appears to be horizontal stripes.

Bed bugs are very tiny, but distinguished insects. They are mostly distinguished by their size, agility, their beak, and their stripe like appearance.

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Park Czar, Henry Helton wants to spend about $135,000.00 of YOUR MONEY on “improving” Sigmon Park.  The entire piece of dirt ain’t worth $135,000.00 ….. and it ain’t even in Claremont!



The country is BROKE!  The state is BROKE!  And our town will soon be BROKE!

Any time that government has money to waste is evidence that TAXES ARE TOO HIGH!  This applies to local, state and federal.



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This is Brianvi.

He gives his address as Claremont.  He says that he is 35 years old and is looking for men 18 to 35.  He says that he is a Christian.  He also says that he would like to have kids.

Brianvi is going about it the wrong way.

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If I was a liberal . . .


As I was saying, if I was a liberal, I might make the following observations about the big hoohaw festive Christmas holiday season of 1991:

I might notice how we now have a policy in America of tossing mental patients out on the street. We like having em out there instead of in the hospitals. When they’re in the hospitals, we don’t know what to do with em. When they’re on the streets, we still don’t know what to do with em, but we don’t have to listen to em talk about the insects that are eating their brains. 

Another thing I might notice this Christmas season is how there’s a mean, nasty streak in people about ANYTHING that even remotely SOUNDS like a plan to give money or help to beggars or drug addicts. When anybody uses the words “Homeless Shelter” or “Drug Treatment Center,” you have to erect a barricade first, to hold back all the angry Yupsters who will show up DEMANDING that these ideas be removed from their neighborhoods.

One other thing I might notice is how juries in any kind of case involving violence have kind of stopped up their ears. If the man did it, the man gets the maximum sentence. If the man did it under the influence of a drug, or a case of beer, or because he got beat over the head by his father every single day of his life till he left home, WE DON’T WANNA HEAR ABOUT IT. We’re sick of it. We only care about one solution now, and it has bars on it.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention how we all want to just give up on education. Private schools, that’s the answer. We’ll all just pay for whatever education we can afford. This public-school thing has got gangs and drugs and we’re sick of it.

Of course, if I was a liberal, I would ALSO mention how the solution to all these problems is for the government to spend more money on schools, and drug treatment centers, and homeless shelters, and mental hospitals–but that’s why I’m NOT a liberal.

All these misfits and screwups and bums and beggars and drugheads and street urchins don’t need any government money.

They need us.

That’s what you do at Christmas.

So I want you to do two things this holiday season:

1. Kill a liberal.

2. Give the resulting vacant home to one of these people that needs one.

Only kidding–sort of.

If you can’t do anything else, give em some money when you see em on the street. And listen to me:

I do NOT mean CHANGE out of your pocket. I do NOT mean a DOLLAR.

Give em a goldurn TEN.

You still won’t be changing a damn thing, but it’ll do something to you. You might even start to like it. And if enough of us did it, we could get rid of the liberals forever.

Are you following this?


I do NOT wanna have to tell you again.

And speaking of people out on the street that look like big green-headed rubber lizards, “Invasion of the Space Preachers” finally hit video after playing about six theaters across this great nation of ours. This is the story of what would happen if a goofball accountant and a clumsy dentist spent a weekend in the Appalachians and happened to run into a vicious gang of hillbillies, a rock band in a trailer park, a flock of nudists, two archeologists, and, oh yeah, some giant green Iguana People from outer space, and one of the Iguana People turned out to be a beautiful blonde nymphomaniac in a halter top and blue jeans who’s been sent to Earth to assassinate the local evangelist.

Okay okay, we’ve all heard the story before, but have we heard it with West Virginia accents?

No we have NOT.

You’re gonna love this mother. Four dead bodies. Eight breasts. Exploding head. Possum squashing. Coors gulping. Literal weed-eating. Grenade-fishing. Skeleton-crushing. Fat jokes. Gay jokes. Zombies. Great “Duelling Banjos” parody. Hillbillies that stop strangers to ask if they have “any of the grey poupon.” Gratuitous hippie love-in. Gratuitous visit to a roadside attraction called The Amazing House of Dung. Kung Fu. Alien Fu. Deer-rifle Fu. Drive-In Academy Award nominations for Eliska Hahn, as Nova the beautiful blonde bimbo from outer space, for learning how to dance, then kiss, then sit in the backseat of the car, for saying “Now will you teach me?”; Guy Nelson, as the lame accountant, for saying “This is our week away from our weenie world”; Gary Brown, as the Reverend Lash, who runs around with a bullwhip ripping Coors cans out of people’s hands; Jesse Johnson, as the Ramboesque Uzi-carrying drug dealer, for saying “Real artists use black velvet”; Jim Wolfe, as the heroic dentist who gets chained up in a cage with chickens, for saying “Oh no, there’s mouse doo-doo in the cereal”; the great Jimmy Walker, for turning up in this movie and actually SINGING A SONG, for no apparent reason; and Piper Thayer, for standing around in tight cut-off jeans and a halter top the whole movie, for even LESS apparent reason.

It’s no “Ski Patrol,” but still . . .

Two stars.

Joe Bob says check it out.

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