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Archive for July, 2014

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BECOME A RATFINK

insider.

RAT-OUT YOUR NEIGHBOR PROGRAM

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rf3.

Claremont has instituted a program similar to the TURN IN A PUSHER (TIP) program in which you are asked to turn in a drug entrepreneur; however, the Claremont RATFINK PROGRAM  asks that you keep an eye (and a ruler) on your neighbor’s lawn.  When his lawn exceeds a height set by the GRASS NAZIS, you are requested to notify Town Hall.  What could possibly go wrong?  Well, your neighbor could find out that you ratted him out.  Oh well, that’s what the police are for.

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CARTEL ZOO

The African hippopotamus is not found in South America — except for the estimated 50-some that, confusingly to natives, roam the Colombian countryside between Bogota and Medellin. The animals are the progeny of the four smuggled in 30 years ago by cocaine king Pablo Escobar, who generously established a grand, exotic zoo for his neighbors’ enjoyment after his drug business took off (and before he was gunned down in 1993). However, as BBC News reported in June, hippo meat is inedible, and without their African natural enemies, they breed with astonishing prolificness — thus creating a “time bomb” for Colombia.

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pearson.

HICKORY,-A Catawba County teen pleaded guilty in superior court on Wednesday after he was arrested in 2013 for breaking into homes and stealing women’s underwear.
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Matthew “Bloomers” Pearson pleaded guilty to three counts of misdemeanor larceny and one count of misdemeanor secret peeping. He was sentenced to serve 24 months of probation, 120 hours of community service, and to pay $1,542.50 in restitution and $975 in fines and court costs.
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He was also ordered to have no contact with the victims or their families.
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During the plea deal the charges were reduced from the felonies Pearson was originally charged with.
The arrest happened in April of 2013, when police said Pearson, who was then 18-years-old, admitted to his involvement in home break-ins in a neighborhood along Spencer Road northeast of Hickory.
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Since 2010, officials said, residents had complained that a prowler was on the loose and sometimes peeping into homes.
“We see break-ins all the time,” Deputy Joel Fish of the Catawba County Sheriff’s Office said after the arrest in 2013, “What is different about these cases is what the suspect allegedly took – women’s underwear.
“Stealing ladies’ undergarments is a lot different than stealing jewelry or something like that,” said Fish. “You wonder what other intentions that person might have.”

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San Francisco’s activist Board of Supervisors, among the boldest in the country to rid their cities of obnoxious goods and services, added disposable plastic water bottles to the list in March (to join circumcision, plastic shopping bags and nutrition- challenged “Happy Meals” that contain toys). The water bottle vote was unanimous (covering distribution on city-controlled property), compared to the cliff-hanging 2012 vote (6-5), in which the board finally decided to ban unclothed people from the streets (mostly men, of course), where until then some freely wandered downtown sidewalks stark naked.

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SPIDEY SLUGS COP!

 

 

‘Spider-Man’ busted

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for slugging cop in Times Square

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NEW YORK – A man dressed as Spider-Man was arrested on charges he slugged a police officer who told him to stop harassing tourists in Times Square.
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Junior Bishop, 25, of Brooklyn, was charged with assaulting an officer, resisting arrest and criminal mischief.
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The New York Police Department said the officer assaulted Saturday — an 18-month veteran and one of about 50 officers patrolling the bustling tourist area — stepped in after Bishop demanded at least $5 from a woman he posed for a picture with, instead of the $1 tip she offered.
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Police said a costumed Bishop “put out his hand and told the woman 5s, 10s or 20s only.” Police said the officer told him he could only accept tips — not require payment.
Bishop yelled and cursed at the officer, police said, and told him: “Mind your own (expletive) business.”

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Police said the officer asked for identification and, when Bishop failed to produce any, moved to arrest him.
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Bishop broke free and punched the officer in the face, police said, causing a cut and eye swelling.
The officer, whose name was not released, was treated and released at New York University’s Langone Medical Center.
Other officers arrived and hauled Spider-Man away.

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Bishop’s mother answered the phone at their Brooklyn home late Saturday and said he was not home. She said she was not aware of his work in Times Square or his arrest. Information on Bishop’s lawyer was not available.
The arrest of Spider-Man, as police referred to Bishop throughout a matter-of-fact news release, came weeks after the New York City Council said it was considering legislation to regulate the costumed characters in Times Square.
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It was the latest in a series of incidents involving men behind the masks.
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In the last two years, a man dressed as Cookie Monster was charged with shoving a 2-year-old, a person attired in Super Mario’s overalls was accused of groping a woman and an Elmo figure pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct after unleashing an anti-Semitic tirade.
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Last month a different Spider-Man was convicted of harassment for a February 2013 episode in which he cursed and complained that a woman did not tip him after posing for a photograph with her children. Phillip Williams later punched the woman in the face and knocked her to the ground — out of self-defense, he said — after she hurled snow at him.

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