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Archive for October, 2010

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BUSTED!!!

BUSTED!!!

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GARY LEE HOFFMAN

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1719 N. COLLEGE AVE
NEWTON, NC 28658

Gender: M     Race: W
Hair: GREY OR PARTIAL     Eye: GREY
Height: 6′ 00     Weight: 210
DOB: 08-06-1952     Age: 58

INDECENT LIBERTY MINOR
Conviction Date: 10/27/1994  Victim’s Age: None Reported
INDECENT LIBERTY MINOR
Conviction Date: 10/27/1994  Victim’s Age: None Reported
INDECENT LIBERTY MINOR
Conviction Date: 10/27/1994  Victim’s Age: None Reported
INDECENT LIBERTY MINOR
Conviction Date: 10/27/1994  Victim’s Age: None Reported

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Even though a liberal wrote The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, it has been banned from most school libraries and reading lists.  WHY?

  • Becky Thatcher never got pregnant and had an abortion.

  • Huck Finn resisted inferior public education.

  • Judge Thatcher was obviously a conservative both on the bench and in his private life.

  • Tom Sawyer used non-union labor to paint the picket fence.

  • Nigger Tom, a slave, was never “respectfully” referred to as Afro-American Tom.

  • Mr. Sprague, the minister, never said, “ God damn America”.

  • Dr. Robinson preferred to experiment on cadavers instead of human embryos.

  • Mr. Dobbins, the schoolmaster, was a drunken failure at life.

  • Injun Joe was never “respectfully” referred to as Native American Joe.

  • Aunt Polly supported Tom and herself without government assistance.

And those are the reasons that today’s children will become nothing more than politically correct subjects of a repressive government.

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EXCLUSIVE REPORT!

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CHILD MOLESTER TIED

 

TO FORMER CLAREMONT

 

MAYOR

Editor’s Note:

There is no way that this story can be completely told without mentioning that this man was employed by Cargo Transporters as the assistant of former mayor, Glenn Morrison.  Morrison, who hired him, was the Director of Personnel…. charged with checking the backgrounds of job applicants.

John Rodney Eckard attended Bunker Hill High School and graduated from there circa 1972.  Classmates interviewed are unsure of his activities until 1987 when he was arrested, charged and convicted of three counts of child molestation in the state of Indiana, where he was employed by a Lutheran church as Director of Music and Youth Minister.  He served seven years of a fifteen year sentence.  It has also been reported but not confirmed that Mr. Eckard was a member of and played the organ for a Lutheran church in the Springs Road, Hickory area and had applied for employment with several other local churches.

Eckard has had a spotty employment record since his return to the Claremont/Conover area circa 1995.  He, at one time, secured part-time employment with Catawba County in the Springs Road branch of the County Library… in the Children’s Section.  His employment ended abruptly when the Catawba County Personnel Director was informed of his past.

Not long after his separation from the county and his separation from a full-time job, he began his employment with Cargo Transporters of Claremont.

All of Mr. Eckard’s terminations are related to his convictions and imprisonment.  Mr. Eckard is a homosexual.

An official printout of Mr. Eckard’s record appears below:

John Rodney Eckard

DOB: 7/20/1954

SS# 242-94-****

FBI FILE# 472470HAO

ARRESTED: 8/13/1987

CHARGES: CHILD MOLESTATION – 3 COUNTS

INVESTIGATED BY:

INDIANA STATE POLICE

FT. WAYNE OFFICE

CASE# BB4626

CONVICTED: 9/22/1988

CASE# 883641

SENTENCE:

5 YEARS EACH COUNT

TO BE SERVED CONSECUTIVELY

(15 YEARS TOTAL)

COMMITTED TO STATE DIAGNOSTIC CENTER

PLAINFIELD, INDIANA

(IND32935C)

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The latest fad in Halloween pranks is peeing in ATM machines.  The culprits appear wearing a mask or disguise and commence urinating in the works, all the while being filmed by the ATM security camera.  The next day, a complaint about the machine is called into the bank.  It seems the object of this little exercise is to become “a movie star” since these machines are weatherproof.

One police chief in a college town says that he is unsure of what to charge the perpetrators with even if he could apprehend them as identification is almost impossible due to the masks.  Just the same, he recommends that users of the machines wear rubber gloves for the next week or so.

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COWPATTIE TIPS

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU’LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE – WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN’T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN’T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN’T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU’VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

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