DON’T BE A VICTIM

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CARTOON OF THE WEEK

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STUPID CROOK NEWS DEPT.

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Demarco Thomas, 30, was arrested in Tucson, Ariz., in November, as a drug courier for what the Arizona Daily Star called a “local cartel,” after Thomas himself had called police the day before. Thomas feared being whacked by the cartel because he had come up $20,000 short in the latest delivery. According to police, Thomas brought money in suitcases from North Carolina to his Tucson contact — except for a little bit that he had somehow “misplaced.” A police search of Thomas revealed almost exactly $20,000 on his person, and Thomas, about to be arrested, allegedly asked officers if they would please write a note to the cartel informing them that police had merely seized the $20,000 — and not that Thomas had tried to steal it. They declined.

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BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS

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SAVE THE BUZZARDS

Almost-extinct vultures may be making a comeback within the Parsi community of Mumbai, India, after a pain reliever (diclofenac) nearly wiped it out. Parsis’ Zoroastrian religion requires “natural” body disposals (no cremation or burial) of humans and cattle, and bodies have always been ritually laid out for the hungry birds, but the community has also come to rely on diclopfenac in hospitals and for cattle. When News of the Weird last mentioned the problems (in 2001), vultures were dying out from kidney damage caused by the drug, and bodies were piling up. (Parsis were exploring using solar panels to burn the corpses.) However, according to a November New York Times dispatch, clerics are reporting modest success in weaning Parsis off of diclofenac, and the vultures appear more plentiful.

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TOTALLY ILLOGICAL

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GINZUED GOOBER DEPT.

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Einar Mogens Wegener / Lili Elbe

Denmark/France/Germany

In 1930-1 Einar Mogens Wegener, a successful artist, became the first identified recipient of male to female sex reassignment surgery. Probably intersexual, he identified as male for most of his life, but had a feminine body and facial features, and when in public as a man was often taken for a young woman in trousers masquerading as a man. He married a fellow painter, Gerda Gottlieb. Posing as a (female) model for Gerda, he discovered a propensity towards female dress, and Gerda’s paintings of him (as a woman) gained some acclaim. He began to identify as female and present publicly as a woman, renaming himself “Lili Elbe”.

In 1930 she went to Germany for surgery, which was only in an experimental state at the time. Five operations were carried out over two years. The first surgery, removal of the testicles, was made under the supervision of sexologist Magnus Hirschfeld in Berlin. The rest were carried out by Dr Warnekros at the Dresden Municipal Women’s Clinic. The second operation was to remove the penis, and to transplant ovaries, which were taken from a 26-year-old woman. These were soon removed in the third and fourth operations, due to rejection and other serious complications. The fifth operation was to transplant a uterus and was intended to allow Elbe, then nearing the age of 50, to become a mother, but complications set in and she died three months later.

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AUTOZONE—UNGRATEFUL EMPLOYER OF THE MONTH

Car-parts retailer AutoZone became the most recent employer to fire a worker for taking action widely admired — but prohibited in the workplace because of the company’s fear of liability. Devin McLean and his store manager in York County, Va., were herded into a back room by a gun-wielding holdup man and, being the only witnesses, understandably feared for their lives. However, McLean broke free, ran to his truck, and retrieved his gun. (He could have fled altogether but insisted that, morally, he could not abandon his colleague.) When McLean re-entered pointing his Glock 40, two things happened: (1) The robber fled, and (2) McLean became in violation of AutoZone’s “zero tolerance” policy against employees bringing firearms into the store. Two days later, he was fired.

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GO, ‘CATS

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Charlotte Bobcats owner, Michael Jordan, wants to change his team’s name back to the Charlotte Hornets in hopes of changing their record.  Hey, it worked for First Union.

I think he should just lose the “Bob” ….. and replace it with “Pole”.  Much more fitting.

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BUSTED!!!

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JAMES KEVIN MOIR

Current Address Line 1
5104 STARTOWN ROAD

NEWTON, NC 28658

Birth Date
Nov 9 1971

 Conviction Date
11-28-2001

INDECENT LIBERTY MINOR

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PREDATOR

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PIC OF THE WEK — EEEEWWWWWWW

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TOP TEN

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Top Ten New York City Noises

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10. Rat stampede (SFX: buffalo stampede)

9. Meat delivery at the Hello Deli (SFX: donkey hee-haw)

8. Scofflaws drinking illegal, 32-ounce sodas (SFX: empty straw slurp)

7. Taxi from the airport (SFX: car screech, crash)

6. Lindsay Lohan at the end of a night out (SFX: police siren passing by)

5. Street vendor changing the hot dog water (Sorry, that’s a mistake, they never change the water)

4. Saying goodbye to a mob snitch (SFX: splash)

3. Me, Dave, leaving work every night (SFX: boos — “There he is, get him!”)

2. Joan Rivers visiting her plastic surgeon (SFX: jackhammer)

1. Alex Rodriguez in the playoffs (SFX: “Strike three!”)

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DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY CIRCUS

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TACKY

WASTING YOUR DOLLARS

Here is a perfect example of how Town Hall wastes your tax dollars:

We paid a reported $8,500.00 for this!  ….and the building doesn’t even belong to us!

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PROCOL HARUM— A WHITER SHADE OF PALE

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